love is all there is...

Hoopty Cars and Screaming People
6:08 p.m. || 2003-01-18
I am locked out of TF. It has got to be the most tortureous thing ever. Ugh! What ever will I do without my precious accountability!? I have tried to get in contact with one of my girls there, but I do not think she saw my post asking her to check her email. Shit, I hope the board is fixed soon. I am going mad!!!

Todays chronicling consists of one broken car, one lost pound, and one asshole roomate type person.

Let's start with the car. I went out this morning, as per my schedule, to my car to warm it up to run my indicated errands. My schedule said that I needed to return some applications and get a pair of slacks so I might have something nice to wear to interviews, should I happen to have one (not that I don't own some nice tommy slacks and such, only they are about six sizes too large and so not suitable for impressing possible future employers). The damn car started passing gas, or something similar, and making frightening and obnoxious clunking noises. I charged back into the house, breathless and annoyed, calling to my mother to ask her if she could listen to the old Nissan and possibly assess what could be wrong. As usual, she was too caught up in playing her damn computer games to want to bother to help me ( I am insignificant, as I have mentioned before; especially in the face of her imaginary game world). I got angry because she was ignoring me and telling me to get lost, and I ran outside where I huffed and puffed and kicked the side of my clunker a few times. I stormed back in the house, then out again, intending to walk the 20 miles to the store. Peter was behind me and I did not realize it, and accidentally slammed the door before he could go out. He got all childish and pissy and tried to start a fight with me (why do people always have to make a new fight just because they are in no way involved in the other one going on at the same damn time?!), which just infuriated me even further as I was already in an argument with my mother (she was going on and on about how I should take better care of this and that, and how I never listen to what she tells me to do.. ). At this point I smoked about 5 marlboros and tried to calm down before I let them see how mad I was. I almost started crying in front of her, if you can imagine. I never cry. Never! Especially not in front of her. She hates me when I cry, or talk, or basically act like a human being. She shouted at me for almost crying, and then chewed my head off for some other things, before finally tearing herself from her computer(her inanimate lover) and driving me to get some more oil for my car. I made a "doctor appointment" for my car on Monday, to get it checked out. I have 160 bucks to my name. I can not afford to fix it. But I have no choice. Anyhow, broke is better than listening to my mother scream at me all day. I guess I can skip the asshole roommate type person bit, as I have gone over it briefly in the above car situation.

The one lost pound speaks for itself, and it is nice to see it. I have not been doing too terrible as far as calories lately. I only had about 200 yesterday.

Oh, did I mention that it finally snowed? Finally! Ah it was glorious, though seriously short lived. So beautiful it almost pained me to look at it.

Anyway, I hereby swear I will never ask another human being for help, ever. Apparently I am not significant enough to warrant any such assistance



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