| So strange how I let her go Into the night Into the air and open space Lost and drifting Like a feather floating On the ripples of a despondent lake.
So strange how I bade her stay Within the void Within the blank and endless moments Lost and drifting Like a comet flying Across the stretch of a poignant canvas.
So strange how I miss her now Outside this vessel Outside this time and nowhere place Lost and drifting Like a mold settling Upon the weave of an ancient tapestry.
So sad how I hate her yet In this room In this childish and wicked dream Lost and drifting Like a leaf falling On the lawn of an empty house.
And she will go... At the zenith At the break of a blinding day (lost...) Dark and still Like a firefly fading(drifting...) Lapping at the sugared echoes of fate.
I am being driven to insanity. Everything going on around me of late is surreal. Mom found my container of vomit, and I knew it. I can not really claim to know how I knew, but something in the way she talked to me.. stared at me.. sighed at me. I could not bring myself to ask her about it immediately because I knew, because I did not want to hear it.
Later yesterday evening, I summoned up enough courage to confront her. And I lied. When she asked about the container and my health, I lied. It came out smooth as butter, fine as silk, the lie. "I was sick, and I was scared you would force me to go to the doctor. I can not afford it."
She let it go, thank god. She has said nothing. Every container has been removed from my house, as well as every piece of literature involving any sort of disorder. There is no way I can be the rain at her parade of life. I was that, once, and never again.
I have been losing weight at an insane rate. Pleasant thing, that. I also have a lot of homework to do. I believe I have been procrastinating this weekend. I shall have to make a serious effort to avoid procrastination.
Laziness is not my thing.
Alas, it will all be alright. What else can it be, if not alright, even just eventually? Does anything ever have an unhappy ending?
I confess that I do not expect a grand and perfect ending to this existance.. this thing that has dicked me around. This life. Nevertheless, I shall look ahead with hope. At least false hope, for what else have I?
An old teddy bear and a blanket my grandma started to knit for me before she died...too late.. finished by my mother.
And a sugared echo of fate.
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