love is all there is...

A Rare Silver-Lined Cloud
6:30 p.m. || 2003-01-24
It's so nice that I finally got this diary up that I am posting two entries today!

My day has turned around a bit. I was feeling a bit sad; reminiscing over things lost and left behind, a bit mournful if you will.

At the moment, however, I feel very ok. I just ran for forty five minutes, thinking about stuff, about school, life, love etc. I want a boyfriend. I want a rough, sexy (but not too sexy), understanding, funny boy. Easy going, private. Intelligent, but not so intelligent that I feel like a complete dolt ;) I am tired of dwelling in my past. I want a future. Where has my past gotten me, but hurt and angry and sick?

For so long I was convinced I never wanted a boy. But I do. I really do.

Also, I finished my FAFSA today, and prospects for financial aid are looking good. I am almost certain I will be in University (I am just in a 2 year college now) by next winter, or perhaps fall 2004 at the latest. I can't wait! It will be so good to get away from this sameness. This familiarity. This pain.

It is sort of like running, but running to something good for once instead of to my own death. I believe I may major in Psychology with a minor in English perhaps, aiming for a masters degree. Yes university sounds so lovely. I can't wait to go, to meet new people, in a new place, far from here. I will also admit the idea of having my own room, alone in the dorm, to purge in once in a while is a definite plus as well. I am trying to stop doing that though (well cut down to once a month). Restriction is kinder to my body by far, and it seems to be ok to eat something normal (like a big bowl of chex when I didn't schedule one! ) once in a while without real serious repercussions (other than serious guilt). It's just very difficult. Have you ever hated something and loved it so much at the same time?

Also, I'm totally psyched about my trip to Germany this summer. I can barely contain myself! I will be visiting castles, sightseeing in Austria, and taking a train to Italy as well. It will be such a dream come true.

So, with thoughts of University life and my upcoming summer journey, I am starting to see a little sunshine in my cloudy existence.

See, I am not always such a cry baby ;)

Thanks to everyone who has stuck by me lately. It means a lot.



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