love is all there is... | |
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6:49 p.m. || 2003-01-27 | I attempted to quit smoking and lasted 3 days. I have been binging and purging non stop for two of those three. I have been crying all day. I want to cut. I can't take it. I just smoked... Why am I such a failure? It seems anything I try to do ends up a big mess. I made a fool of myself asking for support, then I failed. Not to mention I gained 3 lbs back of weight that took me a week and a half to lose. I am ashamed of myself. Very ashamed and I just want to hide away in some nowhere place forever. I am going to try to not eat anything at all for a week, to see if I can get that weight back off. Maybe when I get to 90 lbs I can try to stop smoking again, then I'll have ten pounds to move around in before I freak out like I just did about these three.. it's different if I was 90 pounds. I know it. I haven't done my homework. I haven't looked for a job in a few days. I haven't done shit except throw up and freak out and I hate how lazy I am. :( :(
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