love is all there is... | |
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6:39 p.m. || 2003-04-11 | Bleh. That is how I feel. I almost have my final research paper done. Psych exam and paper is done. Drama essay is done. Just need to wrap up a few things on this essay, and I am home free for the semester, save one more wimpy paper in Psych and my final exams. I haven't eaten in almost two days. It feels really good. Finally a break from the binging and purging. I really needed it, though I fear my brain is fried from chatting on AIM so much. I have been chatting with this person from tf, and he is really cool. I totally enjoy talking with him. I think I am going to go lay down soon. I feel sort of, um, out of it I guess. I sort of also feel like I am not getting anything done, though I guess there is not much for me to do *laugh*. I finally got to work today. The rain cleared up enough for that. But I have tomorrow off, for which I am glad. Week after next I have a 39 hour week, plus finals to study for. Ugh. Yuck. I wanted to fast for 14 days, but I don't think I can with all this work and school. It makes it hard for me to do it all. I just want to stay home and hide. Life is easier like that, but I guess I can't get anywhere hiding. Meh. This isn't a very interesting update, frankly, because I don't feel very interesting. I feel very numb, and it is very nice. I could get used to this numbness. I forgot how wonderful starvation is for dulling the pain... I don't think I'll ever go back to daily binging and purging again if I can help it. Not now that I remember how pure and empty I can feel. Pain is pain, but this is the lesser of two evils for me... Man I sound like a crackpot, eh? But bleh it's true. I want to break apart, like the leaves of a shrinking violet in a heavy breeze, blowing away..
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