love is all there is...

Trivialities
12:05 p.m. || 2003-07-11
Hello world.

Nothing much up here. Not sure if I mentioned that I found out (in an embarassing manner) that my P.O. never sent my paperwork through after my probation ended to clear my record. I was royally pissed off. I marked that I had no convictions on my application here for a job on the base, and then it showed up in a background check, but mom is getting it taken care of and the lady in HR said to bring her the paperwork to show I wasn't lying and then I can start hopefully.

This weekend we were supposed to go to Kallmunz and hike up to the castle there, and then to a monastery where the monks brew their own beer, but my uncle has to work so who knows what we will end up doing.

I really miss my cat, but I think I am getting another cat in August, also a Maine Coon. She is beautiful and her name is Xsmilla. Then I will be getting Mist Spryte here in December during my trip back to the US at Christmas.

Germany is so lovely. The weather is AMAZING. Never too hot or cold (in the summer that is). In the winter I get to look forward to mounds of white, fluffy snow!!! I can't wait. It has been ages since I have seen snow.

I only purged once yesterday. That is better I guess.

I almost let my aunt and uncle see my misery. God, they keep trying to be so nice and touchy feely and understanding. I got so upset I almost cried in front of them, but I made myself stop it. I mustn't ever ever let anyone see me. It makes me feel really awkward now though, that I was so weak.

I think we are going to Poland at the end of this month, which will be cool. I also think my Uncle wants to go back to Italy, but I think we would take a tour bus thing, so that would be better. Maybe I will actually enjoy it lol.

I have zero motivation anymore. I wish I was 120 when I started losing weight, so that I would be in the 70's maybe by now. Maybe I could just lay down and die. I don't know if I can make it through the rest of life. It seems so hard, so tiresome, so pointless in general. Everything seems so trivial.

I have some new poetry, and I will post some of that tomorrow.

See ya then.



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