love is all there is...

Preternatural Me
12:25 p.m. || 2003-07-30
Yesterday was a total fuck of a day. I think I will try to forget yesterday ever happened. I started to binge at about midnight last night, so I could purge since I couldn't sleep, but something quite out of character for me happened. I stopped midbinge, and then sat there trying to decide wether to purge or not. I then began to purge, and stopped. Like some weird normal person took over me and all these crazy thoughts, such as *this is so stupid, what the hell are you doing*, bombarded my sleepy mind. Then (gasp) I went to bed. Full. It was a nightmare. I woke several times feeling as though I might spew my entire guts out. I currently find myself enduring a rather disturbing bout of guilt. I can not stop thinking about it.

As for today, I find myself utterly exhausted. I slipped out of bed this morning and was all feverish and sweaty and parched. I attribute this to the food that is sitting in my intestines nourishing my bloated body.

Alas, enough about that.

I am on a vegetable and fruit mission today. Somehow I have to convince my aunt that I can not live without vegetables, so she will buy me some. Apparently they have forgotten I don't eat much meat, leaving me with very little food that is safe for me to eat. This has me rather disturbed, and is only one more reason why I shall be immoderately relieved when I return home.

I have also been trying to decide where to go to University, and wether or not to go next year (2004/2005) or the year after. I suppose it will depend on credits... I do not want to get too many at my current college and have them wasted when I transfer, as some schools will only let you transfer so many. I am quite nervous about sharing a dorm with someone I don't know. Perhaps I can find a way to get a single room. Too bad Peter won't come live with me. Sigh. However, I also am so excited to finally be close to getting to University. Seems to have taken me long enough, wouldn't you say?

Well, that is basically everything interesting worth saying right now. I haven't seen any new sights in Germany, nor experienced anymore of this culture, unfortunately, or I would share that.

I am off to embark upon my vegetable and fruit mission. Wish me luck!



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