love is all there is...

I just had the worst drug craving I have had maybe ever. It was so terrible that I slipped into a dream like state. My body temperature dropped. My stomach cramped, my mouth watered... just like when I was about to take a hit of crack. I can not even begin to explain how bad it was..is. I can only say thank god I am so far from home, or I wouldnt have been able to fight it. I am still in the middle of it. I feel like I am high... I feel like I don't care about anything.. I am freaking out fiending. This after so long. It's such a bad one I can taste it. I can smell it.

Memory after memory of my drug days flooded my brain til I was in a haze through which I couldn't even speak. I sat in the back seat on the way home from the zoo, and I don't remember any of the ride back at all. I was and am lost in a fucking nightmare in my head. I don't know if I can get past it. It is so so so so bad I can feel my bones craving it, I can feel the need burning my brain, like a fire was relit somewhere in which it had gone out for almost an enternity, and a frozen limb is finally being thawed, awakened. I am enraptured and enthralled by my need. It hurts. It hurts so bad..