love is all there is... | |
|
3:04 p.m. || 2003-09-09 | I'm losing weight again. Though yesterday was a fuxored day and I ate way too much, it doesn't seem to have affected my weight too much. I guess that's ok because I got to have some fettucine alfredo with asparagus and chicken, and a peanut butter and honey sandwich. Worth it I guess to feel guilty today. I've been playing my computer non stop; Online games. I have nothing better to do anyway. I gave my sister my car, to keep, so I am stranded at home... which is cool with me. I can't wait for next semester to start, but I don't know how I am going to afford a car. I will write a better entry tomorrow... I feel really disgusting today. I am, however, still glad to be home. Life has it's ups and downs... but mine seems to be filled with mostly downs. I am broke, and depressed, and I love starvation.... It makes me feel so free, so light, so powerful. I love it when I say no, when everyone else says yes... I love it when I have so much energy, and barely have to sleep. Weak people sleep and need rest. Weak people eat. I am not weak. I refuse to be weak. This lets me make it through the depression, through the lack of money, through every pain in my soul. My life is moving around me and I am not a part of it. I have no control over my life, but I have something. I have hunger. A cool blue comforting something that wraps me in it's arms and keeps me safe. Finally, please enjoy the little red x that will appear at the top of my diary soon.
|