love is all there is... | |
6:57 p.m. || 2003-10-15 | I'm so cold. It's like I'm living in a freezer box. My sister got kicked out of her boyfriends mothers house, and is now back at home. I am getting paid to watch my nephew a few hours every day. It's not so bad, but I dont think I will ever had kids. I don't have the patience... I'm still talking to that guy I met. We have this...connection. His past is similiar to mine... I don't know what will come of it, if anything. All I know is that I haven't been eating lately, at least, not much... and that makes me happy. It makes life tolerable. I was drinking last night. I know, I shouldn't have.. I drank almost an entire bottle of wine, and also some grappa (which is like everclear sort of). Things have been crazy lately. I see my life swirling around me... like the leaves fallen off the dying trees of autumn. Where will I end up in this whirlwind? Will it fling me aside? Will I end up naught but the waste, the feces, of this turmoil that engulfs my mind? I finally started losing weight again. And fast... Tomorrow I will write some new shit, been a while since I wrote anything worth while. I am sorry for not updating more. I've just been so lost and I can't see the world around me. I don't want to see it. I want it to disappear.
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