love is all there is...

He is dying too.

Welcome to the end of fall, the birth of winter. My favorite season, as you know. I might be changing my page to something more wintery soon.

I stocked up on sf cocoa and vanilla maple tea to keep me warm.

It seems so long since David was here, keeping me warm at night.

I remember long nights laughing like children. How long had it been since I have laughed like that? Never?

Not since or before at any rate.

I wonder sometimes if I am living in my own nightmares, my own dreams, my own head... but then David is there to bring me back to reality... like a pinch in the arm to wake me up. I do so unwillingly sometimes, but I am grateful nontheless.

I think he is like my anchor. Without him I might drift far out to sea and become lost in a storm.

Sometimes I try to pull away from him, but he won't let me which is good... because I really need someone stable. A friend who will be beside me forever no matter what... He will and I know it. Yes I doubt sometimes that it's even real, and I wonder at his insanity to willingly stay with someone like me... My head is so wrong, so chaotic... It does not make sense to me how he can stand me, but he does, and he seems to do so happily. I can only hope one day I deserve the patience he has for me.

Christmas should be nice this year. I can't wait to decorate the tree. I don't much like the holidays I guess, aside from the giving part. I love to give things to people.

Anyway, I have a lot more to say and not much privacy to say it... Hopefully I will stop procrastinating soon and update this damn thing daily as I should be doing, instead of random fragments of this and thats which don't completely add up because of the splinters of life I fail to include here lately.

Alas, this fragment is all I can offer today.

<3 you all !