love is all there is... | |
2:04 p.m. || 2003-12-18 | Well I fucked up again. But, I also pulled myself out of crackville. M.- You are right. I can do this. I do not need to go back there. Being sorry won't do anything but make me feel guilty. D.- I wish I could be with you but right now I can not. L.- I have spoken to him through email... C.- I just got your email honey and I will reply soon. Anyway, so here I am back at Roberts, flat broke, but motivated to get through this shit. R. Thinks I want a relationship with him... He knows I don't love him though. Hell you all know who I love. But I gotta do this. I have to stay here right now. Its far far away from fucking crackville. His family is so loving, and I need to learn to be like that. I don't know where my life will go from here, I just hope D. will still want to be with me,. I really fucked up the last two days. I was sitting in a crack hotel with an old old friend, who when I knew her before, didn't get high... That shit broke my heart. She's fucking smart and beautiful, and her husband beat her to nearly death, and i see her later sitting there getting high. That shit reminds me of me. I don't want that shit anymore. I don't have to be there now. I have realized I absolutely CAN NOT drink again. Anyway I think I have pneumonia and I want to go play my game and rest up.. I have some fancy smancy christmas party to go to Friday.. Thank you all for being here for me. For not hating me through all my stupid mistakes. I love you all so much it makes my heart hurt. Dunno what I would do without you.
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