love is all there is... | |
|
1:37 p.m. || 2003-12-30 | My game subscription ended today. It should have been paid but Robert cancelled it. I don't have much longer here. I don't know where I am going to go. God I dont want to end up homeless. Robert wants me gone soon... since I don't want a relationship with him. Tomorrow I am going to see if I can get a job at Ingles, a grocery store... Though I fail to see the point as I will not be able to live here much longer. I woke up feeling just as desolate and distraught as each day before this one. It hurts to simply live, but I will make it. I told my mother she is dead to me. I have no family. Wait, I have David and Anthony and my cat. That is something at least. It seems my dad may be in Corpus Christie Texas... I need to go get more books from *her* house. I don't know if I can go there or not though. I think I shall wait til that final time when I go and gather the rest of my belongings and say goodbye to them forever. I forsake my sister as well. I am alone, as usual, but I will be ok. It hurts to live, but I guess that at least lets me know I am indeed alive. Next winter I will live somewhere with lots of snow, and go skiing and make snow angels. I will have hot cocoa in front of a fireplace with my kitty on my lap. The heat from the fireplace will dry the tears of my soul. Who knows what the days to come hold for me? I should think of it as exciting, an adventure. Perhaps if I can convince myself of this, living will become more than a dull ache in my heart, more than puffy eyes from crying, more than empty hours filled with regret. An adventure... Where will it take me next... I can be Indiana Jones.
|