love is all there is...

moving on
3:46 p.m. || 2004-01-09
Well I finally convinced Mom to let me stay a month or so until I can get out to Oklahoma with David. It was, of course, probably mostly because of David and Anthony. I am going to an NA meeting next week, and looking for some OA meeting too, although I am not sure how I feel about letting my ED go. I will try it out though.

I got in 2 or 3 fights with some girl a few days ago. I thought she was my friend, but when I ran out of money to give her she basically said fuck you, and accused me of sleeping with her boyfriend (which I'd never do) and stealing her drugs (which I had bought and given her... so get real). Bunch of stupidity if you ask me.

Tomorrow I need to go fill out my FAFSA for next year, as I am determined to be back in school by then. I really miss school.

Monday I am going to call Wendy's and see if that job is still open. If not I have a couple other places on my mind to try and work at.

I've gained a few pounds and am at like 119-120ish now.

I have been clean 2 days now. It's hard, mostly the alcohol part. I am sick without it, but I will live. I also have a chest infection.

David told me something that really touched me, especially because I never really thought he would think about such a thing as this. He told me that obviously something is making me not happy.. something besides the obvious family stress, life stress, etc. He said he wants to find out what it is. He wants me to be happy. I don't know what it is but I think together we can find out and fix it. It will just take time.

He has really helped me to get motivated as far as drug addiction recovery goes. I, like I said, still do not know how I feel about my ED. Sometimes I feel like I don't even have one... but I know I do.

I did manage to eat my last 5 meals and not throw up, although the spaghetti last night was sort of pushing it. I kept it down though.

Anthony has been really supportive and helpful too and I am blessed to have two such wonderful people in my life.

And of course there is my cat. To see how happy she was to see me made my entire month brighten up. I can see how much she loves me when she looks at me, and she is accepting of me no matter what.

So that makes 3 then ;)

I can't wait to go to Oklahoma. It will be really hard work, which I have always hated, but it will be good for me. And I will be with David.

Well I will update again probably on Monday after I see how it goes with Wendy's.



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