love is all there is...

Sunlight replacing gloom, hint of warmth toasting the earth... color returns.. life begins to bloom.

I mourn the passing of Fall and Winter...though the rains in the Spring make the season changes bearable. I do not look forward to the Summer, with its Skin and heat blinding light. If I could hibernate through the summer, I would.

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David kept calling me this morning. Leaving freaky messages on my answering machine. For a day or two I wondered if I made a bad decision. I am certain now I did not. He is no man. No man would act like that. My whole family was disturbed this morning by his prank calls. We had to change our phone service so we could block the number, as he would not stop calling. It was either that or file a harassement charge. He should be thankful it was the former and not the latter.

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I am very lonely in my life. I wonder sometimes how I could be so surrounded by people, yet feel so held apart.

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And so the days pass one, into another, into another and I wonder where is the end?

Books have an end, movies, poems, stories, vacations. They all have an End. Life seems to have no end. It just draaawwwss on and on painfully, tiring and bothersome.

I suppose one could say that death is the end, but unfortunately, it is not the ending that I am likely to see anytime this year.

Not that I haven't thought about it. It would be easy to just give up.

But when I think of that, all I can think of is what people would say, that I am a failure, as always, as usual. It would be marked on my gravestone.

So that ending is not an option.

I like to pretend each night when I go to bed that that is the end.

And then I wake up, and life sprawls out endlessly before me, yawning and stretching her arms for years...

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No purging since my last update, which is a good thing.

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I seem to have run out of words, I guess, so that is all for now. Perhaps by my next update I will have my new car and will be able to go find work to occupy the part of my day that I do not spend online.